A cultural phenomenon I never considered is, what does society do when they run out of toilet paper?
What happens when you have used all of your supply of poop tickets, and every single store you stop at has none to sell?
Disaster!
My husband, the quintessential boy scout says if you are out in the woods without poop mittens you can use leaves.
I’m looking around our yard, only recently bared of snow, and I discovered that our dog has already pooped on most of the leaves left there over the winter so that’s out.
My mother says that when she was a kid, they had an outhouse on the farm. This was during the depression and they did not buy toilet paper—they used last year’s Sears catalog.
Catalogs are as hard to find these days as leaves my dog has left unmolested, and then I’m wondering if the printing on the catalog pages ever rubbed off. Did their booties ever have page 102 left there like a temporary tattoo?
There would be the same problems with newspaper, but maybe you could turn defecation into a political thing. A Republican could get their kicks by wiping with Chuck or Nancy, and a Democrat would get instant gratification from a wipe with Donald.
If I used a catalog to clean up my tother end I would choose a page with the flowered dress on it so if the ink rubbed off—my butt would be a classic.
The French are so sophisticated they even have a fancy word for butt – a derriere. They even developed a fancy derriere cleaning place called a bidet.
A bidet would be a long-term fix. If I ordered a bidet right this minute from Amazon, I have prime so I’ll get it tomorrow, how long will it take to install? Are plumbers all around the country busy right now installing bidets?
The other disaster is no hand sanitizer. Without any bowel towels hand sanitizer is more important than ever.
In ancient Rome I hear they kept a sponge on a stick they used to clean up their anal regions. What is Latin for anus? Anus? Anyway, they would clean themselves and then put the sponge on a stick into a bucket of vinegar.
If you use a public restroom, the toilet paper is free. Does that mean the whole roll?
I never thought I would be grateful for moon tape, loo roll, certificates of deposit, or just plain toilet paper—but I am.
